Myth: “I’ve Failed Already So I Am A Failure” --- BUSTED

FROM THE SERIES

LIVE YOUR DREAMS:
Doctor’s Orders

Revealing Evidence Of Why This Myth Is False And How You Too Can Discover And Start Your Own Unique Custom-Fit Business

Samuel Gerstein, M.D.

Foreword by JACK CANFIELD,

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Amazon Kindle Edition

Stories From the Book: Live Your Dreams: Doctor’s Orders

More Praise…

“Dr. Gerstein introduces us to 40 individuals who have accomplished the impossible to reach profound success. It is through the guidance of those who have traveled the path before us that we can learn to achieve our own life dreams. This book is a priceless treasure of tried-and-true wisdom for all ages.”

Nido Qubein, President, High Point University,

Chairman, Great Harvest Bread Co.

✦

“Dr. Gerstein has shown us, through many real examples, how we can convert dreams from aspiration to reality. If you have a dream, but have not realized it yet, read this book and inspire yourself to action!”

Dr. Lance Secretan, Author, ONE:

The Art and Practice of Conscious Leadership.

✦

“The people in these stories will serve as role models for anyone who wants to live their dreams.”

Robin Sharma, #1 Bestselling author of The Greatness Guide.

✦

“You can change your life or your attitude towards your life. We are all capable of change when we have the desire and intention to do so. This book can help coach and guide you and show you that reinventing yourself is possible.”

Bernie Siegel, MD, Author of 365 Prescriptions

For The Soul and Prescriptions For Living

✦

“It’s one thing to dream. It’s another thing to have your doctor help you turn your dream into success. Read Live Your Dreams: Doctor ’s Orders and your dreams may come true.”

W. Mitchell, C.P.A.E., Author of It's Not

What Happens to You, It's What You Do About It.

Myth: I’ve Failed Already So I Am A Failure --- Busted

Copyright 2018 by Dreams for Real Inc. All rights reserved. Printed in Canada. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address Dreams for Real Inc., 5863 Leslie Street, Suite 316 Toronto, Ontario, Canada M2H 1J8.

www.dreamsforreal.com

Gerstein, Samuel, 1957-

Myth: I’ve Failed Already So I Am A Failure --- Busted / Samuel Gerstein.

1. Small Business and Entrepreneurship (Business) I. Title.

This book is dedicated to my parents who gave me the opportunity to explore my dream, to my wife, Michelle, who believed in my dream and supported me every step along the way, and to my children, Ryan and Casey, so they will know that their dreams are real.

Contents

Disclaimer

Foreword of Live Your Dreams: Doctor's Orders by Jack Canfield

Introduction

Dr. Samuel Gerstein, M.D., Business Coach

Jennifer Beale

Penny Simmons

Joan Barrington

Judy Suke

Conclusion

Myth Busters:

Jennifer Beale - Publicist

Penny Simmons - President and Founder of Penny Loafers Shoe Shine Company Inc.

Joan Barrington - Therapeutic Clown “Bunky”

Judy Suke - Motivational Humourist

Disclaimer

This book was written with the intent of expanding people’s awareness of what is possible in the world of work. All of the stories of the people in the book are true accounts of their working lives up to the time of the interviews that were used as the foundation for the research for the book.

The lessons that are related by the people in the book, as well as by Dr. Gerstein, are the opinions of the aforementioned authors. This book gives no guarantee of success or of reproducing any of the results achieved by the people interviewed for this book by following the lessons outlined in the text. In fact, one of the key concepts in the book is that people’s life directions are as unique as the people themselves. No one can tell you what to do. That comes from within. Use this book to stimulate your own thought process of what may be right for you.

Every effort has been made to make this book as complete and accurate as possible. However, there may be mistakes both typographical and in content, therefore, the text should be used as a general guide and not as the ultimate source for career guidance.

The purpose of the book is to educate and entertain. The author and publisher assume no liability for any loss or damages alleged to be caused by the contents contained in the book. Please consult the appropriate professionals to obtain specific information regarding your personal situation.

Foreword of Live Your Dreams:
Doctor's Orders
by Jack Canfield

In our first Chicken Soup for the Soul book, I tell a story of visiting the Temple of the Golden Buddha in Thailand. I was astounded to learn that this awesome solid-gold Buddha smiling down at us had been covered by a thick layer of clay for hundreds of years.

Historians believe that Siamese monks applied the clay to keep their precious treasure from being looted by an invading army. Unfortunately, it appears that all the monks were killed by the invaders, and the well-kept secret of the golden Buddha remained intact until 1957 when the statue had to be moved. To everyone’s shock some clay fell off, and when the startled head monk applied a hammer and chisel, he discovered the sold-gold treasure underneath.

As we flew home I thought to myself, “We are all like that Buddha, covered with a shell of hardness created out of fear. Yet underneath, each of us is a ‘golden Buddha; a ‘golden Christ’ or a ‘golden essence’ which is our real self. Somewhere between the ages of two and nine we begin to cover up our ‘golden essence.’ Much like the monk with the hammer and the chisel, our task now is to discover our true essence once again!”

In “Live Your Dreams – Doctor’s Orders” - Dr. Gerstein does a superb job of exposing the true golden essence of forty ordinary people who all found a way to overcome their fear, chip off the clay and go for their dream. And after each story, he provides tips on how you, the reader can do it too.

There are many books out there today on how to achieve your dreams and find success. In this book Dr. Gerstein shows us what can happen when those principles are actually applied. By going beyond the tired theories of how to ‘find a good job,’ he opted to shoot for the moon and found example after example of people actually living their dreams at work. Based not on money, but on passion, joy and fulfillment - their dreams are no fantasy, but fully realized. Today, all of them are doing what they love, and their diverse and very individual stories show us all what living your dream can actually look like.

Too often in today’s society we stop short of the dream. Instead, we focus on decreasing our pain, managing our stress and treating our illnesses. But why do we stop there? After all, good health is so much more than simply a lack of illness. It is a vitality for life, an abundance of energy that is our birth right. Good health is a good attitude, a strong body and a vibrant mind.

Dr. Samuel Gerstein walks his talk. As you will see from his personal story which begins the book, he was feeling the effects of work stress himself several years ago. His own journey of self discovery led him to his dream of helping others find theirs. I believe this book will inspire you to do the same. Read it if you are feeling lost, or if your work has little meaning. Read it if you are dissatisfied with or hate your job. Read it if you have given up hope that the majority of your adult life spent at work will ever be enjoyable or fulfilling.

One of the best ways to learn anything new is through the use of role models. Dr. Gerstein has provided us with forty powerful role models in people who overcame their fears and all the reasons why they ‘couldn’t,’ and through dogged determination and creative resourceful-ness found a way to achieve their dream. And because we are all unique, the wisdom and inspiration in this book can be utilized as much by a confused young high school senior as a by disgruntled senior manager of a large downtown firm.

When Mark Victor Hansen and I created Chicken Soup for the Soul, our mission was to heal and change the world one story at a time. I am moved by the forty very special stories Dr. Gerstein has found and given to the world. They are an inspiration to all people who want to live their dream. It’s a book that is meant to be read, absorbed and acted on. If you are tired of ‘settling’ in your life, see yourself doing what these people have done, and know that if they can do it, so can you.

Jack Canfield

Co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series and

Author of The Success Principles™

Introduction

I have found that “failure” is one of the most misunderstood concepts held by my private clients. When asked what they believe “failure” means to them, I hear responses like…

“It’s very bad”

“It’s awful”

“It’s something I want to avoid at all costs”

“It means that I am a failure”

“Others will believe I am a failure”

With these interpretations it’s no wonder they fear it so much. However, I have found that failure is actually (ironically) a big part of success. I will even go one step further and say that it is usually necessary to fail many times before you become successful. ( I know, heresy, right?)

Case in point: When I wrote my book, Live Your Dreams: Doctor’s Orders, I went through 5 major rewrites. Only the last one was approved by my editor. Since then, it has received high praise. I would call it a success but I also understand that without the first 4 major “failures”, I wouldn’t have arrived at the 5th edit, what most people see as success.

The myth that failure is bad has been passed around so often that may simply take it as fact. But remember these are only the echoes of voices from parents, teachers, coaches, friends, culture, and media that you internalized at a young age. Remember that how someone treated you and the names they called you were more about them than you. They were more likely projecting their own sense of unworthiness onto you and you were too young to reject their offer. They may be the principles you have erroneously adopted as truth. Now is the time to separate fact from fiction.

In this book you will read the true stories of people who have personally debunked this myth. The people in this book are proof that you can overcome this fear.

In the stories that follow you will meet see how people who refused to allow past failures to define who they are. They used failures as stepping stones to their Dream Business. Each of these inspiring individuals had to overcome at least one major challenge. To name a couple, Penny Simmons allowed a million-dollar idea to slip through her fingers before she woke up to her potential. Judy Suke could have allowed her 2 failed marriages to make her bitter. But instead, she learned to listen to the wisdom of her own voice and unbelievably used her experiences as a source of humour.

How did they do it? The answers are in the details of the stories. I also pick out one key lesson from each story to help you apply it to your own life.

You are not alone in your quest for living your dream. The only difference between the people in this book and you may be that the former group have found their Dream Business and taken the baby steps in their journey and you haven’t yet. Their fires are burning strong and yours maybe simmering embers. Let the people in this book help rekindle your own inner flame. See how they overcame their struggles, and by association, let them show you how you can overcome yours.

They did it. Now it’s your turn.

Follow Your Dreams

Sam Gerstein

Dr. Samuel Gerstein, M.D., Business Coach

The Author’s Story:

As an emergency physician it was my job to help people in pain. I had been doing that for fifteen years, doing the very best I could for my patients. At times I overlooked my own pain, and ignored the growing void inside of me, hiding behind a façade that everything was going well. However, the longer I ignored it, the larger the void became, and the harder it became to ignore it.

I now understand a universal law: The universe has lessons to teach everyone. If you don’t get the lesson the first time it will increase the intensity of the lesson until you have to pay attention. I finally got my lesson when the universe sent a startling coincidence onto my path.

In his bestselling book The Celestine Prophecy, author James Redfield speaks about nine insights the human race will discover as it enters the era of spiritual awareness. The first insight is to pay attention to mysterious coincidences. He says once you interpret these sudden, synchronistic events, they will lead you to your destiny. I don’t know about the validity of all the insights he suggests, but I have witnessed some startling scenes of synchronicity in my own life, as well as in the lives of the people whose stories I share in this book.

About nine years ago I realized I was growing frustrated at work and wanted something more. I had seen so much despair in people who had given up on themselves, and I knew I could do more for them. This angst carried over to my family life where small things began to irritate me. I knew this because one summer while on vacation I found myself in a heated argument with my wife Michelle, over a seemingly negligible matter. I was on a break for some R&R, and here I was arguing and upset over some small matter. Maybe I didn’t really need a break. Maybe what I needed was to scratch that itch that had been nagging at me for some time.

I told Michelle I had felt myself to be very tense lately, and maybe a massage would help relax me. Prior to that I had received maybe two paid massages in my life, so it certainly wasn’t a part of my routine. Years before someone had told me about a specific spa downtown. We had tickets to go to a Blue Jays baseball game the same day so, on the spur of the moment, I made a reservation to go to that particular spa right before the game. Michelle took advantage of my plan and made an appointment herself for a manicure, pedicure and facial.

After my massage and while waiting for my wife, I went to the counter to pass the time. I picked up what looked like an interesting book, bought it and promptly headed to the hot tub to begin reading. I couldn’t put it down and was almost a prune when I emerged.

The book was called Passionate Longevity, by Elaine Dembe, and the concepts in the book enthralled me. In it she talked about the life lessons of elderly people as they looked back over their lives. They spoke about what was truly meaningful for them, and about things they would and wouldn’t do if they had the chance to live over again.

We went to the ball game, but I couldn’t take my mind off that book and how it related to my life. Was I really doing what I wanted? Would I regret it when I was in my eighties? I couldn’t tell you the score of the game, but I finished the book the next day. I was so inspired I wanted to call the author and speak with her. Now there were dozens of books on spirituality, personal development and motivation in the bookstores at the time, most of them by American authors. I could have chosen any one of those best sellers in the spa that day but it was hers I picked up. When I read that the author worked and lived in Toronto not far from me, I was floored.

I contacted Elaine immediately and she happily agreed to speak to me. It happened that I was suffering from some back pain at the time. It turned out that Elaine was also a chiropractor, and one very energetic lady. I met with her several times for my back, and also to talk to her about my frustrations. She suggested I explore two centres in the United States to continue my journey. When I received their brochures, one course stood out above the rest so I signed up for it immediately. It was called Lifeshaping, and was a big factor in how I changed my life.

The content and facilitator of the course were excellent. However, it was as much about me being ready to hear the message that was instrumental in changing my life direction. That old Buddhist saying, when the pupil is ready the teacher appears, really is true. Over the next two summers I ended up assisting and then co-facilitating the course with its creator, Ingrid Brendenburg, and that was what got me started on the path to what I am doing now.

I decided to start listening to my heart and begin doing what feels good and right to me. It only made sense that if I wanted others to do that, I should be doing it myself. My intention was to not evaluate myself on the results as I have done for so many things in my life, but rather to simply enjoy the process.

In the transition period I began taking extra courses that interested me. I didn’t have a specific plan; I just followed where my passions led me. I took a psychology course in NLP – (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and became a master practitioner. I took an Adult Education Facilitation course, joined a Toastmasters Club and became a local member of CAPS – the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers in Toronto. I also had fun doing some improvisational acting at Second City. Over the next three years I juggled these extracurricular activities while continuing to work in the ER, and spending time with my young family. I simply trusted I was moving in the right direction because I was following my heart.

I began reading more of Dr. Abraham Maslow’s and Dr. Carl Roger ’s theories of self-actualization, and about people reaching their full potential and how they did it. Somewhere in there I began writing material to help people follow their dreams.

Shortly thereafter I dug into my savings to create my own company, Dreams For Real Incorporated. For the first four years our family cut back on some nonessentials like vacations, and I picked up some extra shifts in the ER to help with the expenses.

After having worked in socialized medicine for so long I knew I had to become skilled in the world of business. I took marketing courses to help me promote my seminars and my professional speaking services. They showed me ways to make my own dream real, and turn it into a viable business. I gave free speeches to several community service organizations like the Rotary Club. I did my first no-fee seminar out of my home. The anxiety I felt before the seminar was nothing compared to the exhilaration I experienced after it was done. I would never have known that if I had just sat back and hoped it would happen. I had to actually take action.

I did a lot on my own, and I take great pride in going after my goal and achieving it. But I soon realized I would go a lot further, a lot faster if I had help. Besides, it would be more fun having others with whom to share my experiences. I began asking for help.

I started a Mastermind group comprised of like-minded people who had information they wanted to share with others. Whenever I felt frightened or worried I opened up to them. I was no longer hiding behind the façade that everything was going well. Besides, no one had ever believed it anyway. I had just been fooling myself, and was really afraid to admit I had challenges too. I found that just naming them and

talking about them in front of my friends was a huge relief. The people in that group have been a tremendous resource for support and assistance.

I soon realized I could not do it all, and began delegating parts of my business I had no interest in. For me this included computer and web-based issues and publishing. I focused on what I loved – writing about living your dreams and helping other people do it.

Despite all of this, I realized something was still missing. This time I was conscious to the message, and paid attention. I had woken up. Through my work I was now delivering to people a lot of important information and techniques, but I was lacking key role models for following one’s dreams. As Yogi Berra said, “You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going 'cause you might not get there.”

From my patients, I had many role models for the mental and physical effects of work stress. But I realized I had very little in the way of what dreams look like in the real world once they’ve been manifested and realized.

That was it! That was the missing ingredient. I knew I had to go out and find people who were living their dreams and get their stories before I could really show others how to do it. It made so much sense. To the naysayers, they would be living proof that it was possible. To the curious, they would be an enigma. And to the people who were secretly or openly interested in living their own dreams, they would be a roadmap.

And so I began what I didn’t realize would become a huge undertaking. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I interviewed over two hundred people, over a hundred of which were formal meetings. I drove to wherever they worked or lived, at any hour that was convenient to them. My journey took me to many corners of Toronto and its neighbouring cities and towns. Each and every person I met inspired me in some way, and I knew they would inspire others too. It took me two-and-a-half years to complete the interviews, and another year-and-a-half to transcribe them and write this book. I did this work around my family times and while continuing my ER duties at the hospital. I enjoyed every minute of it.

Pouring over the notes I had taken, I teased out the key common themes to how the people who were living their dreams had actually done it. Once that was done, I put it all together in a program, and then used that program to overhaul my seminars. It also became the cornerstone for setting up my own psychotherapy practice, where I help individuals overcome their personal struggles to follow their own true path.

My biggest obstacle was there was no roadmap to follow to do this. Unlike medical training, there was no curriculum to follow and no test with which to measure my competencies. There were weeks when I didn’t have any leads for where I would find the next person to interview in their dream business. I was often disappointed and dejected. At those times my wife would step up to the plate and reassure me this was only a temporary lull. My Mastermind group was a tremendous support as well.

What kept me motivated was my belief in what I was doing, and my enthusiasm to help others live their dreams. I have witnessed so much despair in my years at the hospital, and I’ve been so saddened watching people give up on themselves, not realizing they could live their life by following their own script. I would think of the quizzical looks on the faces of the people I asked about their dreams – people who had never even been asked what they wanted, who had been told what they should be doing. I knew it wasn’t right, and they could be so much happier if they were true to themselves. I refused to let my despair win, and I vowed not to give up.

On my good days I remembered the other side of the coin of not having a set path to follow. I reminded myself I could be creative and follow my own instincts. I was not hamstrung by other people’s agendas. I was free to do what I thought was best for my clients. The obstacle that I was facing, having no roadmap or set course to follow, was inherently also a benefit.

I can say in all honesty that I now feel more complete in my vocation as a doctor – as a healer. I help people both proactively and reactively. I know that in stress-related diseases there is often a five- to ten-year lag time between emotional distress and the physical manifestation of that stress. I feel that I now have more balance in my life, and I’m more at peace with myself. I know I am doing what I love because no one has to tell me to do it.

I look forward to creating better techniques to help people achieve their Dream Goals. After working in the ER and playing with my young children, I often work in my home office for hours some evenings. It is definitely a labour of love. I also know it is a good fit because I continually talk to my wife about ideas I have for such and such a seminar or book. Sometimes I forget that it’s my dream and not hers. Sometimes I go on a tad too much – to the point where she is the one needing a break from my dream. I am having so much fun I don’t even consider it work.

It took me forty years to hear the true message of what my heart had been whispering to me all along. It was a “coincidence” that woke me up. You can bet that I have been paying close attention ever since.

“Dreams without action are fantasy. Actions without dreams are empty. Dreams combined with actions manifest one’s destiny.”

Samuel Gerstein

Jennifer Beale

Publicist

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.”

Oscar Wilde

“It’s not enough to learn something.

Applied knowledge is what separates the people who truly

know from those who only say they know something.”

I was a pathetically shy teenager. I dropped out of high school and was heading nowhere fast. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t think it could get much worse – but it did. Something tragic happened that was to change my whole life direction.

I felt like such a loser when I was younger. I was afraid of not being accepted and I was shy. I didn’t believe that I could do what I really wanted to do. And I didn’t know what I wanted to do. My solution was to drop out of high school. But, after that, I found few options available to me. I took a job at a bakery because, frankly, what else was I trained for?

Work at the bakery was boring and frustrating. I hated it. It was mindless and repetitive. I knew I could do much more. Then something happened that changed my whole life for the good.

At age 21, after drinking alcohol, I smashed a car into a tree and almost died. The reason I know I almost died was because the two people with me in the car died. The accident was pivotal. Not only had I fractured my spine and my knee, which required surgery and months of rehabilitation, I had to deal with tremendous guilt for my part in the death of two people.

That tragic event took me to the depths of shame, pain and guilt unlike anything I have ever experienced. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone.

Yet, I felt deep gratitude for being alive and getting a second chance. Remarkably, years of aimless living ended with a seemingly horrible experience. The accident forced me to grow up and become responsible. It wasn’t my will. It threw me into a period of tremendous self-discovery that has not ceased for twenty years. I spun around and began heading in an entirely new direction – responsible, hopeful, and determined to live a life that made a positive difference.

I attended personal growth seminars and studied many pop psychology books. I did the exercises in the books. I got to know myself well and I owe a lot of my current clear decisions to that time in my life. I wanted more for my life and began believing I deserved it. I decided to go back to school and finished grades twelve and thirteen. Since then I’ve been striving to bring peace and harmony into my life. I am now forty-two and worlds away from where I was that fateful night.

I’ve been fired from almost every job I had. I’ve worked in various jobs. I came up with ideas and wanted to be heard. When people didn’t listen to my ideas I voiced my frustrations. That didn’t sit well with my supervisors. I now realize I am a true-blue entrepreneur.

I have always had a business of sorts. As a teen I had a paper route. I sold leather goods, I was a dog trainer, waitress, ESL teacher and network marketer. I was an editor and freelance writer. I was a contrarian. I didn’t like getting a regular pay cheque. I liked being paid for what I contributed. I never was one to sit back and accept status quo. I looked to ways to improve any situation I was in.

In spite of my dubious work background I learned a lot in every situation. Most of all, I learned I had to be my own boss. My days as a waitress brought me out of my shell. My writing ability developed when I was editor for a health publication. As a freelancer I was assigned to write profiles of people who were experts in their respective fields. I learnt to find the exciting story in what they do.

It was exciting talking with these successful people. I would often suggest publications that I felt would be interested in their story. Many times they were surprised that a magazine or newspaper might be interested in them. They would usually come back and tell me they had no idea how to get published. They would ask me to do it for them. My Dream Business became a natural evolution of events.

If I was doing it informally I thought why not go to college and get a diploma in public relations (PR). I did just that and, upon graduation, began doing contract work with not-for-profit organizations.

At thirty-six I defended my thesis, “How we might get renewable energy in Ontario.” At the end, though, I felt empty and burnt out. I was really staying at the not-for-profit sector so I could keep going to school. I always thought that I was going to become a professor because learning had become a prime motivator for me. Reaching my potential through academia was a logical way to proceed now that I loved learning. But it was not what I had imagined.

I spiraled into a six-month depression. Every day during that period, I woke up and asked myself, “What do I really want to do?” I didn’t believe I was worthy of doing what I truly wanted. I reflected back on a lady I once interviewed as a journalist. She had a passion for black history in Ontario. I was envious of her. She was doing something she loved. I wondered if I’d ever have that but I didn’t really believe I deserved it. I had hit a wall.

During this period of my life, I was barely able to eke out my writing for the few not-for-profit groups I worked for. The only saving grace that got me through that period was the time that I spent with a dog trainer on weekends. We took our dogs for long walks and as I accompanied him he would point out the different aspects of dog behavior and talked about distinctions that many other trainers did not make. I realized that I was talking to an expert in his field.

The publicist in me screamed to get his story out to the world. I got him a two-page spread in the Toronto Sun. Within a week he had received 350 phone calls and e-mails. Working for not-for-profits made me feel good about contributing to the world but it was an intangible. When I had this profound effect on one person I could see the difference I was making on somebody’s life and how that helped many people. It was measurable, more personal and it had a greater effect on me. I essentially got him thousands of dollars of free publicity and helped catalyze his business. It felt good because that meant more animals would be helped.

I decided I was going to start a company where I would work for experts. Helping other specialists in varied fields excited me. That way I could help people truly solve their problems by letting them know about the experts around them.

I was in transition and needed help. Who should I turn to? An expert, of course. If I was going to take the big leap as an entrepreneur I needed a business coach. I contracted Paul Tindall. He taught me how to systemize my business. Before I met him I spent a lot of time with people who had no intention of becoming clients. He taught me how to quickly qualify people as to whether or not they were a real prospect. After that my business took off.

I made it a habit to only hire experts when I wanted to learn something. I may have paid a little more up front but it greatly reduced my learning time and time is money. Experts show me what the mind of humans is capable of doing. Learning is a core value for me and being around these kinds of people has motivated me to excel at what I do. I am amazed by what people can learn to do in their life. It’s not enough to learn something. Applied knowledge is what separates the people who truly know from those who only say they know something.

To best represent my clients to the media I have to know their material well. By asking pointed questions, I become a mini-expert in their field. It’s my university of real life. I’m the expert’s expert in media relations. I unleash their expertise and help them communicate that to others. They, in turn, are able to bring their expertise to more people who need it. Spreading their message gives me great satisfaction. As a bonus, by surrounding myself with excellence, I can’t help but become excellent myself. I will put in twelve to sixteen-hour days if necessary. I jump out of bed ready to go. Most of the time it’s not really work. I would still do it even if I didn’t get paid.

I hired a friend of mine to come up with a company name. She suggested, Unleash PR. At first I didn’t like it. She said I could get the phone number, 416-UNLEASH. The double meaning of unleash was completely unintentional on her part. She knew nothing about my dogs and the whole time I was unconscious to the name’s reference to dogs! When I appreciated that part, I realized it all fit so well. I was unleashing people to display their expertise to the world. By doing that I was unleashing myself. And ever since my dog returned from his training he heeds my call without a leash. It was a mystical fit. The name was a perfect metaphor for my life.

I loved what I was doing. I have confronted my shyness and today I have no problem walking up to a few people in a crowded room, introducing myself and asking them what they do. My passion for learning and my interest in other people motivated me to overcome my biggest obstacle – me.

Living through that tragedy of my youth made me appreciate the limited time we have to live our lives here on earth. By expressing my true self in doing what I love I am able to give a little something back to others. I am truly grateful for that.

Sam Gerstein – Business Coach - Comments

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Jennifer was leading a self-admitted aimless life when tragedy struck. It shook her to her core. Riddled with guilt, she could have gone one of two ways. She could have spiraled into a world of self-pity and remorse or, she could attempt to do something with her life. She chose the latter. In doing so, she was able to find a purpose for living. She hit many bumps along the way, including some major depressive episodes, but she did not give up. In the end she was able to find her way through her pain.

You do not have to personally experience a major catastrophe to turn your life around. That is one of the reasons the people in this book want to share their stories – so you can learn key lessons without having to make the same mistakes. Heed the words of American journalist and TV host Sam Levenson, who once said, “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.”

If you feel that you are heading in the wrong direction or, even worse, wandering aimlessly throughout your life, use this opportunity now to change. Commit to begin your search for something meaningful. If you have experienced a tragedy in your life, it does not mean your life is no longer worthwhile. Your healing may begin when you begin giving something back. And you can give a lot more when you are giving from your heart, from your true self.

Penny Simmons

President and Founder of

Penny Loafers Shoe Shine Company Inc.

“What You Think of Me Is None of My Business”

Terry Cole-Whittaker

“I had blown off what might have been a million-dollar idea all because my confidence wavered.”

I used to think I wasn’t particularly smart. My biggest challenge has been a constant struggle in overcoming this misconception. As a result, I allowed my lack of confidence in my abilities to hold me back. I just didn’t believe in myself. I made several mistakes; including dropping the ball on what became a million dollar invention. But I never gave up. I used the inspiration of other people to keep me in the game until I won.

I did not have much of a formal education, and as a child I was teased a lot by my two older siblings for not being very smart. One of them even called me stupid and no one ever corrected him.

My dad was a successful business man. He was always tough on me, and preferred to tell me what to do instead of asking me what I wanted to do. He often sent mixed messages such as, “Do what you want,” while at the same time saying, “Learn how to type, just get by and conform.” It was the classic push-me-pull-me tug of war. As I internalized this belief, I lost all confidence in who I really was. When I was in my late twenties, some of my friends sat me down and pointed out that I was always apologizing. I had not realized I was doing that, and that day was the beginning of a long road to recovery in my area of self-confidence. I am still on that road but I feel much better about myself now that I understand it was all perception and not truth.

When I was seventeen I came home one day and announced I wanted to buy a Taco Bell franchise. My brother was dumbfounded, and said the idea was crazy. “Who would want a franchise?” he asked. So, I never did it.

I naively followed my conditioning and started working as a secretary at a major brokerage firm. That honoured one of the messages I received as a kid – “just get by.” The other message – “do what you want” – didn’t click in until much later. Eventually, I convinced the firm to give me a shot at selling stocks, but I simply didn’t have the passion for it. I tried catering for a while, grew bored with that, and then did some marketing in my father ’s business. I had no idea – no vision for where I was going.

I was eager to do something I loved. Around 1990 I saw the popularity of a line of toys called the Cabbage Patch Dolls. You couldn’t wash them, and I felt the children’s market needed a line of toys that could be washed. I was jazzed; I had never been this excited about an idea for work.

I began brainstorming and sourcing appropriate materials. Beanbags were popular in my childhood, and the idea could be recycled in the form of a doll. I thought beanbag toys would be perfect. I found a source of cheap recycled PVC pellets, and envisioned using the ends of fabric bolts as the cover. I would be environmentally conscious as well as entrepreneurial.

A friend of mine made some prototypes, and another friend who was a children’s author was keen on writing little books for the characters. We began to brainstorm lists of animals and possible names for them. For research I watched Saturday morning cartoons and hung out in toy stores. I had connections with a toy company, and a manufacturer lined up. I trademarked the name The Has-Beans for comic books, movies, toys, cartoons and merchandise. Our working name was The Beanies.

Then it happened. My fiancée abruptly broke off our engagement, I had a falling out with a close friend (the designer whom I'd enlisted for The Beanies), and I underwent a business setback. Those three significant personal losses knocked me off course, and clouded my judgment. I lost sight of my goal, and concluded it was all just a dumb idea. I never followed through.

Years later I saw a front page headline, and froze. It announced the phenomenal success of a new line of toys called Beanie Babies. I was devastated. There was even a picture of a rabbit – almost identical to one of my prototypes. When you register a trademark you must sell at least one unit within a year for it to remain protected. I had taken my eye off the ball, and let the ball drop. My trademark had expired, and someone else grabbed it.

I had blown off what might have been a million dollar idea all because my confidence wavered. I was upset for weeks. After moping around for a while I finally realized, “If I could do it once I can do it again. Dwelling on my mistakes won’t help me now.”

I picked myself up and moved on. “How?” you may ask. I used the inspiration of people like Thomas Edison. He had about 1,000 “failures” before he invented the incandescent light filament. I played the tunes of Tina Turner, who resembles the Phoenix rising from the ashes as she reinvents her career every decade. I thought of people like Katherine Hepburn who was unceremoniously dropped by her studio when her early movies struggled at the box office. She didn’t sulk. She bought her movie rights from the studio, hired Cary Grant to play opposite her, and then starred in her own movies. The rest is history. Moving on, I turned my focus to the next opportunity.

I looked at ideas that had come to market. I wrote down what had worked for me and what had failed. It was important that I know who my cheerleading section was, so I listed the people in my life that might assist me with my goals. With no idea what I wanted, I turned to a career counselor for help. After weeks of searching and introspection I discovered I wanted and needed to go into business for myself. BUT DOING WHAT? I was determined to find something by keeping my eyes, ears and heart open.

While doing international sales and marketing for a family business I met a young woman with an invention whom I had mentored with such things as the ins and outs of government agency requirements. Her invention soon won an award from Canada’s scientific research community. That’s when she called me with her dilemma. She wanted to accept the award in person in Vancouver, but was already committed to a trade show in the U.S. that same week. She asked if I would I go and represent her at the trade show. I was free, and agreed to go for only the cost of my expenses.

While there, I discovered two items that intrigued me – miniature menus and a shoe shine business. The Mini Menus™ appeared years later in Canadian hotels and restaurants as business advertising. But at the time, none of my contacts in the tourism industry had heard of it, so I dismissed it. (Looking back, I can see I dismissed things too quickly as a result of not believing in my abilities.)

I didn’t have a chance to see the shoe shine business, but the fellow in the next booth raved about it. He told me there were two girls giving shoe shines with their bare hands, and it was phenomenal. I wasn’t overly impressed, but he persisted. “There’s a business for you” he said. “What were you smoking in the men’s room?” I asked jokingly. “Do you have any idea what I’ve done? I’ve been a stockbroker, a caterer, and I’m now working in international marketing. I am not going to shine shoes.” Or so I believed at the time….never say never.

Eight months later I went on a trip to unwind. I shopped, walked and exercised to Jane Fonda tapes as I tried to clear my head and get focused. I reviewed my strengths and weaknesses. Then, while driving down a country road with a girlfriend, it hit me like a ton of bricks!

That shoe shine business had everything I was looking for. I could own my own business, the environment was right, and I could be an entrepreneur and still interact with people. My customers would fit the profile I had identified with the career counselor. I guess I really did listen to that man who told me about this business; it just took a while to realize it. Fortunately, for some unknown reason, I remembered the name of the company even though I had discarded the business card almost immediately.

The next day I was so wound up thinking about my future that I got up with the birds. To track down the number of the company from the trade show, I called directory assistance. I was so excited I told the operator about my plans. He was delightful, but despite an intense search he couldn’t find it. But just as I was hanging up, I heard him yell, “Wait a minute. I found it!” He gave me the number, and with many thanks and his best wishes, I hung up.

As it was early on a Saturday morning, I sat there waiting for the appropriate time to phone the manager of the business. When I finally dialed the number at 8:30 a.m., I heard a very sleepy voice on the other end. Somehow I had forgotten about the two hour time difference, and had wakened her at 6:30 a.m.!

“I love your business,” I said, “and I’m wondering what I can pay you to teach me to do what you do.” She was very gracious, and set up a conference call with the owner, who then mentored me in starting my own shoeshine business.

I wonder if I would have lost faith in myself again had the operator not found the number that day. I’m not sure. I almost didn’t do this because of my age, which at that time was thirty-nine. I knew the other girls doing this were in their twenties, and all of a sudden this older gal was going to hit the scene. My old conditioning was nipping at my heels again. This time I refused to listen.

I registered the business in September 1994. I shelled out thousands of dollars in consulting fees and in building my first chair. It wasn’t easy in the beginning. For the first nine months I applied to and was rejected by what felt like every landlord in the city.

To get my name out there I volunteered to shine shoes for free at a Harry Rosen location prior to Father ’s Day. I had nowhere else to go, and it was important that I get out to where the people were. I never told anyone I wasn’t being paid. I never asked for gratuities but accepted them if they were offered. For three months I brought home about $20 a day.

During this time I had to find ways to make ends meet. I cut down on my expenses in as many creative ways that I could. I received about $1,000 a month from my family business, and still had some employment benefits for a few months. I took secretarial work and even did some catering, often with dubious results. One lady refused to pay me for an evening when I just about ruined the whole dinner. I knew my heart was no longer in it. I lived that way for a year to get my business off the ground.

I opened my first location at a downtown building in 1995. That first year I had few clients. As I watched thousands of people walk by without stopping, but instead snickering and whispering, I smiled and told myself I could always chop it up and use the wood for kindling. It took a lot of grit to get through those early days.

By the end of 1996 I had opened my second shoe shine shop at the TD Centre. Then, life once again threw me some setbacks. My brother had been diagnosed with brain cancer. He was having frequent seizures, and had to be restrained in a hospital bed. Down the road in another hospital, my mother was suffering from the effects of dementia. I found myself shuffling between the two, keeping vigil over them. I slept on a little cot alternating between the two rooms at different hospitals. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and I wanted to curl up in a corner and make this bad dream go away. But I had a business and responsibilities, and I wasn’t going to drop the ball this time. Instead, I held on tight.

I knew I was in the right career because my personal stress dissipated after working on my first customer of each day. I felt invigorated and rejuvenated. I enjoyed the physical activity of the shoeshine and the relationships I was creating with my customers. I swear if I had been in an office job or in a business I disliked, I don’t know how I would have gotten by.

When my mother and my brother both died only a few months apart in 1998, the vice chairman of one of the financial institutions expressed his condolences and brought me a lovely plant. His genuine interest was shared by many of my customers and that helped me at what was certainly one of the lowest times in my life.

There were setbacks. I lost my first location to a barbershop, who liked my ideas so much that they took my chair designs, and then I lost another one in Casino Niagara. The latter had wooed me with promises of a bustling business. They spoke about the success of the shoeshine at the casino in Windsor, so I spent thousands on new chairs and set-up fees. The result was only a few customers a day. Casino Niagara was drawing the bingo bus crowd, and that differed markedly from the customer demographics at Casino Windsor. I was commuting back and forth in support of my people who were working for me for free, hoping it would turn around.

It all ended when I was told they had changed their minds about my services, and would I please come and pick up my chairs from storage.

I was absolutely furious. I had fulfilled their requirements, and they didn’t honour their commitment. There was no way I was going quietly. They had taken six months of my life at the time my brother was told he had only eight months left to live. I was a dog with a bone and I wasn’t about to let go. I told them this was not acceptable, and I wanted a settlement. I went to the president of the Ontario Casino Corporation, and eventually received a full settlement.

Today I have many people working for me in different locations in the downtown core of Toronto. We have more than 30,000 clients a year, yet I am always asking myself, “What can I do next for my business?” I thought of running a weekly anonymous poll on social, economical and political issues. My clients could be the white-collar voice on many subjects. It might even attract media attention and thus, more exposure for my company.

My fears and self-doubt prevented me from acting on this great idea for years. I hemmed and hawed, and procrastinated. Finally, I just did it. I put together three questions and conducted a pilot test at one of my sites. One of my customers in the pilot test knew a writer who worked at the National Post newspaper. He told him about my idea, who in turn relayed it to his editor. The editor liked it so much that it became a weekly national feature in May 2003.

I still hear the voices of inadequacy whispering in my ear now and then. They are the same voices I heard when I allowed my Beanie Baby idea and others, slip though my fingers. The difference is now I take action in spite of my fears. I realize those feelings are just that – feelings. It doesn’t mean they are true. The irony is that one of the best ways to diminish those feelings is by taking action in the face of them. It is just like Susan Jeffers says in the title of her book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” (Ballantine Books, 1988).

Sam Gerstein – Business Coach - Comments

The biggest obstacle – ourselves.

As Walt Kelly’s comic strip character Pogo, once said, “I have faced the enemy and it is us.”

Outside of a calamity, whenever we don’t do what we want to, we only have to look in the mirror to see the reason. Rarely however, do we see our own reflection looking back, but rather, we see a litany of people including our parents, former teachers, mates, former and current bosses and friends and family, just to name a few. It’s as if we have created a cloud in front of our faces that blurs our own responsibility for our situation.

Well it’s time to bring clarity to the image. It’s true that we have been affected by a myriad of influencers that may have steered us in the wrong direction, and may not even have had our best interests at heart. But at some point we have to realize we have the right to choose the direction in which we want to go. We have no obligation to keep replaying the same old disempowering scenarios we have been conditioned to. If we are not happy with our lives, we can change, and the first step to any change always begins with awareness. We must become aware of our sole responsibility for our lives. We must somehow come to realize that blaming and pointing fingers at anyone or anything “out there” is not only inaccurate, it will never help us get what we really want. It is in fact, a total waste of time, and only keeps that mirror cloudy.

It is important to really understand that if we are not doing what we say we want, there is no one responsible but ourselves. That might seem harsh, but reality is seldom easy to face. It is always easier to rationalize our failures on the backs of others. Looking back through the cold lens of time, the bottom line is that all of those rationalizations are just stories. And while some stories have more validity than others, they are still just stories.

To gain some clarity, look back on the results in your life. Your results are the effects of your actions. An action is the effect of your thoughts and feelings, and those all exist within you. We can muddy the waters by blurring the recall of certain thoughts and feelings we may have had in our past. But it’s a lot harder to be confused about the actions we took and the results we got. Start there and be honest with yourself.

Penny is a very creative and dynamic person, but for many years she didn’t believe she was good enough. She carried around the erroneous belief that she wasn’t smart enough because she lacked formal education. Well-meaning but inaccurate family members propagated, then re-enforced this misconception. It didn’t matter that they were wrong; it only mattered that she believed them and internalized their values about her intelligence.

World history is filled with rich, famous, smart and successful people who had little formal education. Just to name a few, Albert Einstein was kicked out of school. Bill Gates left before finishing university. Donald Trump had little formal education.

I am by no means condoning quitting school. Formal education brings an invaluable contribution to one’s thinking process, and can provide numerous advantages in your life’s work. Statistics have shown that people with university degrees get better jobs and earn more than those who don’t. What I am saying is that education does not start or end there.

Penny said she dropped her “Beanies” creation because of all of the turmoil in her life. But it was likely based more on how she felt about herself, than on her life situation. This became evident when she suffered through even more intense emotional pain caring for her dying mother and brother while getting her shoe shine company off the ground. With years of maturity and insightful awareness, this time she did not fold up and walk away. She was learning how smart she really was, and beginning to believe in herself.

It is generally a lifelong struggle. It is not easy to cast off years of childhood conditioning, but Penny’s story shows it can be done. She also shows it is not necessary to cure all your internal doubts before you take action and start. In fact, by taking action in the face of her fears she was able to speed up her process of inner healing. Success breeds success and nothing builds confidence like success. You can’t think about success – you have to actually go out and make it happen. Bravo to Penny for doing that.

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? Who is responsible for your situation? Until you can see only yourself, you are operating under the illusion that someone else is responsible for your results. At first it may hurt to realize you are the creator of your situation. Here’s the good news. By reclaiming your sole responsibility for your life, you will also be reclaiming your own personal power.

If you take away nothing else from this book remember this one thing: Never again allow anyone to steal your dreams. That includes you – yourself. Many of our beliefs about ourselves are wrong. You have no idea how high you can soar if you are still allowing someone else’s negative conditioning to weigh you down. Cast off the chains and look in the mirror. Who do you see now?

Joan Barrington

“Bunky” The Therapeutic Clown

“Just as a small fire is extinguished by the storm whereas a large fire is enhanced by it - likewise a weak faith is weakened by predicament and catastrophes whereas a strong faith is strengthened by them."

Viktor E. Frankl

“At the cottage I had dreamt of a clown. In the morning I told my father, ‘I know what I’m going to be… I’m going to be a clown.’ I was married with children. I had no idea where this came from.”

As a child I had to go to The Hospital for Sick Children (SickKids) for an appendectomy. It was the first time I was away from home, and back then parents were not allowed to stay. There were so many firsts during that hospital experience. I had so many fears that I never forgot. It became a negative imprint on my memory.

Fast forward to the summer of 1985. By now I was married with two children. We were at the cottage, and one morning I awoke from a very vivid dream of being a clown. When I came down to breakfast I said to my father, “I know what I’m going to be…I’m going to be a clown.” I had no idea where that came from.

I was about to discover how those scenarios would come together.

Before the birth of my two boys I had a miscarriage. This experience made me realize how precious my sons were and I decided to stay home as a full-time mom. In 1987, I was having lunch with my youngest son. After watching the morning cartoons I switched to the noon news. Valerie Pringle was interviewing Karen Ridd. They showed her clown persona “Robo” working as a therapeutic clown at the Winnipeg Children’s Hospital. As I watched her interacting with critically ill children, the lights and bells went off in my head and I said, “Yes – that’s the kind of clown I am supposed to be.”

The pull was so strong that I sensed this was my destiny. I knew I had to speak to Karen Ridd, so I immediately phoned the CBC to discover how to reach her. I left a message, and she returned my call. We spoke several times, and when I read her paper on therapeutic clowning, I wept. My journey had begun. I wasn’t sure how or where I was going to do it, but I was sure this was my destiny. I knew it from my heart not my head. I was being pulled along this path.

Karen advised me to get involved in clowning in any and all ways I could find. I had some experience in acting. It seemed so natural to me. My aunt, Josephine Barrington, was a well-known actress in Toronto and Stratford. It was in my genes, but I guess I wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t have a degree and I was afraid I wasn’t good enough. What did I know about therapeutic clowning? I needed more experience to bolster my confidence.

I took a clown class at Seneca College in the evenings, which focused on applying clown make-up and learning tricks. I did some improv comedy at Second City, and acted at a local theatre. I was a party clown for birthdays, and events like Big Sisters and The Children’s Aid Society Christmas parties. I wanted to see where I fit in this profession. Karen was right. Getting involved in different aspects of clowning led me to my next step. Doing things helped me know where to go next. My purpose was to be a therapeutic clown. I couldn’t have gotten that from a textbook.

I was still not feeling ready, so I chickened out by taking a safe position in administration and sales. I feared failing if I followed my artistic side, so I focused on the business aspect of theatre. Getting a degree in Arts Management was my next step, which led me to volunteer with the Young People’s Theatre. By producing two plays at my son’s public school, I saw how theatre opened up even the shyest and most awkward child on stage. This inspired me, and I realized I was finally ready to embrace my path.

Gathering up my courage, I approached SickKids with a formal proposal and offered to begin a Therapeutic Clown Program. I first looked at becoming part of the women’s auxiliary or the volunteer resources department. However, I felt if therapeutic clowning was to be a respected profession, we should be part of the multi-professional team and, as such, be on staff and paid accordingly. I looked for another department.

A doctor friend suggested I approach the child life department of SickKids, which looks after the psychosocial aspect of care. In my pitch, I described the importance of gentle play and humour in relation to the psychosocial needs of sick children, and how our partnership in this mission was an important part of their recovery. The director of child life told me she had heard of the Winnipeg therapeutic clown program and Karen Ridd, and thought it was a noble cause. Unfortunately, she told me, there was no money in their budget. Undeterred I asked, “If I raise the funds for this program will you allow me to run it?” To this she said, “Yes.”

I believe in the saying, “If you can dream it, you can do it.” You just have to keep experimenting. I knew this was my destiny, and I would find a way to make it happen. This turned out to be the most difficult part of my career.

In 1990 I flew to Winnipeg and shadowed David Langdon, “Hubert,” a truly inspiring gentle therapeutic clown at Winnipeg Children’s Hospital. For the next three years I wrote out fundraising proposals for this new program I passionately believed in. It was extremely hard work to raise awareness and funding for my position. I could have made a lot more money in private practice as an entertainment/party clown, but I stuck with it because I believed strongly in the methodology of therapeutic clowning and what it could do for these chronically ill children.

Then Karen Robo Ridd, whose father was a United Church minister, put me in contact with her United Church friends in Toronto. They administered the funds I raised. Pioneering sponsors included The Tippet Foundation, The Rotary Club of Toronto, and Levi Strauss.

In the spring of 1993, six years after laying eyes on Robo the therapeutic clown on TV and realizing what I wanted to do, I launched the therapeutic clown program at SickKids. I had done it. I realized my dream. We opened with one clown, Robo. After mentoring with “Robo” Karen and child life for six months, my own vulnerable clown persona, “Bunky” was born in hospital. This was the authentic me, the clown who comes out to play from the inside out – the soul whisperer.

Now I wear several hats. I am a therapeutic clown, therapeutic clown practitioner and senior manager of the therapeutic clown program at SickKids. I still fundraise and I am the co-founder and now past director of Therapeutic Clowns Canada, which raises money to seed therapeutic clown programs in other hospitals.

What I most love about my work are these children. They are my true heroes. Our team of therapeutic clowns are on all five inpatient floors and out in the day clinics two days a week. I love it when “Bunky” happens upon some young friends from years ago and they come running over for a big hug and a high-five to catch me up with their lives. Once I worked with a seven-year-old boy who after his heart transplant was afraid to move after such a major operation. He was petrified when he saw the large scar on his chest and thinking he might stop breathing again. He cried silently and often. The child was totally frozen, so his nurse asked “Bunky” to go in and get him mobile again.

When I got to his room his parents were with him. But he just lay there staring straight ahead. When I was still just out of sight, I gently rang my bell so he could first hear me. Next, I gently blew bubbles across the doorway then into the room. The bubbles caught the little boy’s eye, but he still didn’t move. Bunky asked permission to enter into his space. After being accepted and still blowing bubbles, I began riding my tricycle, following the bubbles inch by inch through the doorway – not too close. I handed his parents the butterfly net and I gently encouraged them to begin catching my bubbles. Still nothing from my little friend. “Be patient Joan,” I told myself. “It will come.” I moved onto a child’s chair and gradually blew bubbles a little closer towards him. I brought out some wind-up toys and with each turn I put them on the floor heading them towards his bed. I gently coaxed him to take a look to see who or what was coming his way.

Then it happened…he started to move…slowly at first, then a little more direct. His total focus was now on the bubbles overhead and as he was trying to catch them in his hands, his feet glided over the edge of the bed. I was ecstatic! I had taken his mind and attention off his operation, his scar and this hospital space and into another world of magic. When he began walking I could hardly control myself. But I had to stay “in nose” – as my persona, “Bunky.” My heart was bursting with joy.

His nurse smiled happily and later told me how much she appreciated what I had done for him. That kind of gratitude from parents and staff just reinforces my belief that this career is where I’m supposed to be.

Therapeutic clowning is about building trusting relationships. Bunky is present to humanize a stressful time and place and offer up choices when there is no choice. Patients have no choice over their illness, who comes into their room, what medication they have to take, how long they have to stay, etc. Bunky’s presence alone brings pure silliness to this highly structured environment. I am not there to entertain but to travel along beside them in their journey through illness. These are chronically ill children and often in the hospital for a very long time, sometimes all their young lives. I hope to normalize their lives as much as possible by offering a safe play space – to be children first, then sick children. Now, patients book their clinic appointments around the therapeutic clown days. They develop a comfort level and trusting friendship with their clown. Being in hospital is a necessity for these children; being alone in their ordeal is not. I go straight to what is working for them, not to what isn’t working. I never forgot the feeling of abandonment of that little girl fifty years ago, who had to stay all alone in the hospital when she had her appendix out. Because of therapeutic clowns like Bunky, children today do not have to feel that same sense of abandonment. I am humbled and privileged to travel along side these children in their journey through illness.

Sam Gerstein – Business Coach - Comments

Joan was out of her mind.
When are you going to get out of yours?

So many people choose a career for the wrong reason. Some do it because it is popular at the time. Some relent to pressure from parents or significant others. Others do it for money. And some do it because it seemed logical. The problem with all these reasons is the reasoning. If you have a logical reason for a career, it is coming from your mind, and it is probably not your passion. Dreams don’t come from your mind – they come from your heart.

Joan did not have a life-long dream for a vocation. When her children were old enough she went into sales and fundraising because that is what she knew. She took a job as an administrative assistant because it was close to home. Those are hardly moving scenarios for entering into a career, yet it is how many people choose their life’s work.

It was only when she saw the TV show that it triggered her traumatic childhood memory of having to stay alone in the hospital. She was so deeply moved by it that she knew it was her destiny. That sudden awareness and declaration did not come from reasoning things out. It didn’t come from her mind. It came from a place inside of her heart, and it felt right. The key word here is FELT. If your career came from THINKING it probably is not your Dream Business.

Your Dream Business will move you. There are tough days to endure in any career so you had better love what you are doing to get through them. On a lighter note, when you are coming from your heart you feel energized. Joan wears five different hats at work and I am truly moved by how much she does. She would not have that kind of dedication if she had merely thought up this career. She had to know it was for her.

Finding one’s Dream Business is not about filling out a bunch of psychometric tests and getting a computer to print out an answer. It has to be personal. You are unique so look at what has moved you in your life. Look at what has made you laugh and what has made you cry. Look at what has pulled on your heart strings and you will be looking in the right direction. Get out of your mind. Get into your heart.

Judy Suke

Motivational Humorist

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great

make you feel that you too can become great.”

Mark Twain

“If you love someone, you don’t ask them to give up their passion in life. That’s what my husband asked me to do.”

I grew up in a house full of laughter. I loved to laugh, and I loved to watch people who made others laugh. I really wanted to pattern my own life that way. Then I took a long detour. Looking back, I wonder why I had to go through all the hardships I endured. The joke was on me.

As a kid I had three role models – Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett and Red Skelton. I wanted to be just like them. If you asked my mother when I started giving speeches, she would say from the time I was five years old I would tell a story if more than four people walked into a room. As a child, I won several speaking contests.

My mother raised us in financial poverty, but spiritual abundance. We didn’t have a lot but we always had laughter in our house. My mother is an incredible woman with lots of energy to spare. She is one of my mentors, and the greatest gift she gave me was the gift of laughter.

My dad died when I was ten, so along with my two older sisters, I had to start working to help out with the expenses. Not working was not an option. I began working at my aunt’s nursing home and continued doing so throughout high school. I would find out what my class covered that day, and then do the homework in the evening. It didn’t seem to matter if I showed up for class, as long as I passed the provincial exams at the end of the year.

By example, my mother also showed us the importance of volunteering. From a young age I canvassed for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. I was brought up to give, and that has not changed to this day.

In high school I was a powerhouse, winning beauty pageants, participating in the drama club, becoming yearbook editor and president of the student council. I often came up with ideas and themes for parties, and would be the one to organize baseball games and picnics and other fun events. I was unstoppable but when I graduated, it all changed. After high school I married a man who sought to control me. For some reason I was complicit in this dubious exercise. Little by little I lost my autonomy, and with it my enthusiasm for life. If you had met me at the end of my first marriage (which lasted nine years) you would have thought I was the quietest, most introverted, unconfident person you ever met. I allowed my husband to change me from my high school persona to the point where if a bank teller looked at me the wrong way, I would cry.

Work wise, I couldn’t see how all my leadership and speaking skills from school could be used in a career. I sold myself short both personally and professionally, and didn’t set the bar very high. My first job out of high school was with Bell Canada because they had jobs and I needed money. I became a customer service representative.

Bell Canada often spent a fortune sending a group of us to out-of-town training seminars. When we came back, I would be flying high with all the new stuff I had learned. The others generally had trouble incorporating the learning into their work, so Bell often asked me to retrain them. They noticed I was good at training – I had a way of explaining things to people that made it easy to understand.

Bell soon discovered they could save a whole stack of money if they just sent me out of town for training, and then had me train the whole office when I returned. They said I was a natural. It was a funny thing – I just fell into my niche. I had no background in training, but Bell made it a part of my job. When I came to Toronto, I kept doing this work. They had me training sales people, and I was enjoying it.

After nine years I finally managed to extricate myself from my first marriage, and landed in a slightly better one. Despite my second husband’s negativity, I gradually built up my confidence. “He allowed me the freedom” to do the volunteer work I so cherished. The very phrase, “he allowed me…” indicates my state of mind at the time. It has been a very slow process, but over the years I have learned to never put a man in that position of control again.

Around this time I had my fourth baby. At birth he weighed a mere two pounds and had breathing difficulties. I’d had so many miscarriages that I understood just how precarious and precious life can be. Not trusting anyone else to look after him, I decided to leave Bell, and started a day care centre out of my house, which I ran for the next fifteen years.

During this period of my life I didn’t want to lose my training skills, so I volunteered at various organizations. I joined Beta Sigma Phi, a women’s sorority, which got me into community work. I volunteered for The Canadian Cancer Society and The Heart and Stroke Foundation. It’s interesting that the same charitable foundation I enjoyed helping as a kid led me to my human resources job.

In my volunteer work I recruited people, trained them and really got to know them. I encouraged them to better understand and use their unique talents and skills. When they became confident enough in themselves, I trained them for executive positions. Soon people began approaching me to come into their company and do the same for their employees. I was taken aback and thought, Wow, you mean I can get paid to do this? I did earn a small amount for my services in this area. Then, to improve my poise and self-assurance as a public speaker I joined the Toastmasters™ International Speaking Club.

After you complete ten speeches, Toastmasters™ awards you a certificate. The night I was to receive my award, I invited my family to watch. My kids saw how much enthusiasm I had for it and really supported me in my quest to become a professional speaker. And my husband? Well, let’s just say he was less than enthused.

After fifteen years of running a day care from our home, I was ready to return to the corporate world. I had big plans of how I could make it all work, but my husband could only see I was leaving a stable income. He was afraid I wouldn’t get a job, and even if I did it would be a secretary at best.

Taking it a step further I told him about my idea of negotiating a contract, which would give me time to develop my speaking career on the side. His response was; “Judy, don’t be silly. If you say that to them, they won’t hire you.” When I told him how important public speaking was to me, he would come back with, “You can’t tell people these things.” Luckily by this time I believed in myself enough to stick to my original idea.

I applied to be an HR manager because understanding people would help my speaking career. I told the managers that I could give the company 37.5 hours a week for a minimum of five years. In return they needed to allow me to go out and do independent half-day or full day seminars so I could build my professional speaking career. They knew they were getting a great ambassador for their company when I was training because I was always introduced as an HR manager at Dial One Wolfedale Electric Ltd. It was a win-win contract, and they agreed. When I came home with the job, my husband was one of the most surprised people on the face of the earth.

Then in one moment, my life changed. On New Years Eve of 1998 I had a heart attack. I was forty-eight years old. I sure wasn’t drinking any champagne that night! Afterwards, I remember lying in a hospital bed feeling frightened and very alone. So I counted my blessings. I had four wonderful children. I had done so much more than I had ever dreamed possible. I decided that if I died that day, I’d be okay with it.

This health crisis made me reassess my priorities in life. I asked myself, “What legacy have I left to the world?” The answer hit me in a flash. I had brought humour into people’s lives. I recalled the walks I had taken with a neighbour whose husband was dying of cancer. We’d talk and laugh, and the laughter brought her some relief from her stress. I was best at making people laugh and making them feel good about themselves. In that moment I decided that is what I would do when I got out of that hospital bed. Professional speaking was going to be my career. It was my mission, and I was not going to allow anyone to stop me.

When I returned to work, the plan was to nurture my speaking skills while earning an income at Dial One Wolfedale Electric. However, I ended up working fifty and sixty-hour weeks. I had to turn down many speaking opportunities because I felt I was needed so much in my HR role. I cared about the people I worked with, but I ended up pushing myself too much.

Meanwhile my doctors tried a new drug for my heart, which ended up shutting down my kidneys and then flared my fibromyalgia. Once again, I was unable to work. My only relief came in sleep. Looking back, that might have been the only way I would have stayed away from work. It was God’s way of whacking me on the back of the head and telling me to slow down. It gave me a chance to pause and think. Do I really want to go back? My doctors told me I couldn’t handle that kind of frenetic pace. I figured I could schedule my needed rest time if I concentrated solely on my speaking. Slowing down has been a difficult lesson for me to learn.

When my kidneys shut down there was a good six weeks when I couldn’t concentrate or drive a car. For the first time in my life I had to accept help. I had to allow people to pick up groceries for me and drive me to doctor ’s appointments. Young apprentices at the company called to ask if they could do anything for me. It was a very humbling experience but good because it allowed me to see the love others had for me. I had felt unloved in both of my marriages, so it was hard to ask for help. When I finally did, I was startled to find it was there in abundance. I was overwhelmed by the love around me. That experience made me realize I could quit my job and do what I really wanted, because I had incredible support in the world. I had never tested it before because I was so busy helping everyone else.

It felt like I was now caught in a three-ring circus, and I was playing in all three rings; my marriage, my financial situation and my ill health. I had to cut some of my acts or risk death, and I couldn’t postpone it any longer. The first one I dealt with was my marriage.

My husband was one of those people who would go around telling people to “be realistic.” This is a euphemism for “Stop thinking about your silly dreamers. I’m just trying to prevent you from getting hurt because you’re going to fail anyway.” He’d get upset when I shared my ideas of becoming a speaker. He’d then tell me I couldn’t do it. He thought he was being realistic, when in fact he was really being very negative. He was projecting his own limitations onto me, and I had been accepting his limits! If you love someone you don’t ask them to give up their passion in life. When I finally realized he had no idea who I was, I was gone for good.

I could hear the ringmaster crying out, “Ladies and gentlemen! Please turn your attention to ring two now.” When I left my husband, I moved in with my eighty-eight year old mother. I was in a financial mess because I had given up that power to my husband. I had no credit, no car, and I even had to get my company to co-sign my cell phone contract. My mother asked me, “Judy, are you stupid?” I said “yes.” I just thought the marriage would last forever. When the HR Association offered me a MasterCard with a $5,000 limit, I grabbed it.

I was exhausted, and I felt other women in similar situations might be feeling the same. I decided women needed a retreat. Using my new credit card, I paid $5,000 to book the retreat, and then started telling people about it. As the money came in for registrations, I paid off the credit card debt.

Two months later I put another $5,000 on the card for the conference, and paid it off as more applicants registered. By the end of the conference I had built my credit line to $10,000. I never advertised it – it was all word-of-mouth marketing. Many of the participants had family who were suffering or dying from cancer, and it gave me great pleasure to help them. My heart melted when people came up afterward to thank me, saying they thought after what they had been through they would never laugh again. I was becoming more confident that my life was finally on the right track.

Six months later I repeated the process with even more participants. I was building a good credit rating. But I still felt I needed help – a push in the right direction, so I joined a mastermind group. I also bought a new car so I could get to my speaking engagements. I had to do this before I went out on my own because I knew no bank would loan me money as a stand-up comedian. They are too conservative to see the potential in that career. Then I quit my job. I didn’t burn any bridges though, because Dial One became my first client.

I am still working on ring three, my healthcare needs. I am learning to put balance back into my life and spend time focused on this area. I know good results will soon begin to show. I am clear of what my mission here on earth is: to bring hope to people through humour using workshops and stand-up comedy. I want people to see that their lives can be better. When I hear people laugh, I see their whole body relax. When I feel their hearts lighten, it lightens my heart. I liken myself to people like the late Erma Bombeck and Loretta LaRoche. They deliver serious messages using humour. Because of who I am, I can’t help but be funny.

Sometimes I get letters and cards from people many months after a workshop, telling me I saved their life. I save those letters in a file called my Hard Day File. When I am feeling so down and out I think I can’t even go down to the lake for my hour long walk, I pull out that file and remind myself why I want to be healthy. It helps me sustain my belief in myself.

It has taken a long time for me to get back to my childhood dream of becoming someone like Red Skelton. Why couldn’t I have just realized it then? Why did I have to go through all of this? I am a very spiritual, but not religious person. I believe in fate. I believe there is a reason we meet the people in our lives, and I just have to look for the lesson God has for me in each experience, and leave my trust in Him.

I guess I had a lot of lessons to learn. I use all of my experiences as the source of my humour. I look at it this way – if I hadn’t gone through all those hardships, I wouldn’t have had as much material to work with. Now that’s funny!

Sam Gerstein – Business Coach - Comments

To all the givers out there I have an important message – It’s OK to take.

Judy is a people pleaser, which is not a bad thing in and of itself. But like anything in extreme, it became an obstacle for Judy, who has a classic case of ‘giving-itis.’ Perhaps because they are the mothers of the world, women especially suffer from this condition. Symptoms include overwhelming feelings of empathy for other people’s situations; forever taking care of other people’s needs; and, continuously saving people (like husbands). Self- denial is a way of life for those inflicted with this ailment. Pleasing others is tops on their to-do list. Typical physical signs include chronic bags under your eyes, sore arms from reaching out to others so often, and a speech disorder – not being able to say the word, No.

Let me illustrate by using Judy as an example. Judy had a heart attack at forty-eight. I have since become friends with her through our mastermind group. About a year after our interview for this book, Judy wrote me an e-mail in which, unbeknownst to her, she described the classic symptoms of another heart attack. I didn’t get home until late that evening so at midnight when I read her message, I was alarmed.

I phoned her immediately and told her to go straight to the hospital. Typical of someone who takes care of others, but who doesn’t do such a good job on herself, she downplayed her symptoms. I reminded her I was an Emergency physician who treats this kind of illness every day. Again she said the pain was almost gone. We went back and forth like this for half an hour. I implored her to go. I even volunteered to drive her, but she refused. Finally she agreed that if the pain was not completely gone in the next half hour, she would go to the hospital. I relented but told her she is very precious, and I wanted to have her around for a long time.

The pain did not subside, and Judy did not go to the hospital that night despite her promise. When she did see her doctor the next day, he told her she’d had another heart attack, and she was lucky it was not fatal.

I was very upset. That’s when I told her she must start thinking of herself or her efforts to help the world will be in vain because she won’t be in this world much longer.

Treatment of ‘giving-itis’ is tough. You have to learn to look after – dare I say it – yourself. Yes, to the sufferers of this disease, that is a dirty word. But let me tell those of you who suffer from this illness something. IT’S OK TO BE GOOD TO YOURSELF.

Think of your life as a bank account. If you continually dole out money to everyone around you, your account will dry up and you will have nothing left to give. Sound familiar? You must take time to replenish your funds so you’ll be able to continue giving to others. Yes, giving in itself does replenish some of the funds in your account. But there is a limit. You are a spiritual being in a physical body, and you have to take care of that body. Your spirit may be infinite but your body is not. It is very finite.

Set aside time to take care of your physical health. Write your health disciplines into your schedule. That way you can tell the person asking for your help that you have a prior commitment. And you do – to yourself. Do it with love, knowing you’ll have more to give after you tend to your own needs.

To her credit Judy has begun taking better care of herself. She is getting rest, exercising, and meditating weekly. This is not easy for her. It is a challenge just as tough as the other ones she has faced and overcome. I know she will overcome this one too. She is an amazing person who has so much humour to share with others. I want to see her sharing it for at least another fifty years.

Conclusion

The people in this book are ordinary people whose passions and life purpose spurred them on to do extraordinary things. They had the courage to not only dream, but to do whatever it took to make that dream a reality. As a testament to my respect, I have used the services of people in this book and have happily referred them to my friends. You see, what I found was that these people who loved what they were doing were also really good at it. And I don’t think this was merely a coincidence. If you love what you do, you will have the passion and the interest and the motivation to continually learn and grow and improve. Researching your field will no longer be a laborious task just to get it done. Rather, it will be a labour of love. That is what I discovered when I undertook the task of writing this book. It became my labour of love, and my gift to you.

The tragedy of 9/11 caused many people to sit back and take stock of their lives. If life can end so suddenly, they are saying they want to do something worthwhile while they are on this ride called planet Earth. The bad news is that high work stress increases your risk for chronic pain, illnesses, heart disease, depression and premature death. No question. I am not telling you this to be a doomsayer. I am telling you this because I want you to wake up from your slumber.

The good news is that there is a flip-side: people who are satisfied with their careers and love what they do, live longer and are less prone to illness. And you can do something about it. We are not immortal. If you dislike what you are doing, start doing something else – today. There are steps you can take right now.

Ask yourself, “What was it I always wanted to do?” “What did I enjoy doing as a child?” Look into that course you always wanted to take. Turn off the TV and take a half-hour to dream of the possibilities. Write them down.

If you need assistance in this area, as most people do, I can help guide you so you can choose the best business for you. It has to be a good match for your unique passions, purpose and pure talents. It need not be a random guess. There is a method to doing this. First you must focus on “WHAT” you want to do before you focus on the money. Most people get this backwards, which is one of the major reasons why so many people are confused in understanding their own custom-fit business.

When you do choose right you will feel more confident, creative, connected to the work and an inner calm. What I am talking about is how you live your life on a day-to-day basis. What I learned from talking to hundreds of people who love their work, is that there is no better reward than being happy with what you are doing.

Find Your Own Custom-Fit Business

Dr. Sam Gerstein, Business Coach